(816): believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Texts Last Night (TLN): The Texts From Last Night u shouldn't have sent.
The texts last night u shouldn’t have sent made infamous
(905): We're going to get serious for a second. Did you eat all of my toaster strudel when you were high last night?(1-905) yea man im sorry, i made one and realized its got a toaster strudel wife and kids, i cant leave the kids without a father. so i ate the whole family.
(816): I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
(484): just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested? (610): well i fucked her too, so yes.
(717): dude, weed appears if you buy a bong, but food doesn't just appear if you have a plate. words of wisdom.
(845): I just fucked my girlfriends best friend, we finished she got dressed and called her boyfriend to wish him a happy birthday.
(209): I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
(518): you know how you told me my marketing professor was gay, and that I should totally try and tap that? Ran into him at the bar last night. He's straight, and in love with his girlfriend, and now failing me.
(941): (s) got head during the superbowl!!! (r)and..??? (s) came when at the same time the saints won.
(916): i had to hold my boyfriend penis wile he peed cause he was way to drunk to do it......now thats love
(879): I passed out while i was taking a shit last night...... woke up on the floor. I have some cleaning up to do.
(978): i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
(423): My gf told me to act like Edward while we were having sex so I bit her turns out "Edward doesn't want to bite Bella" she brok up with for being a bad Edward
(208): Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong. (208): ha well at least you have goals.
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Best Nights
(916): i had to hold my boyfriend penis wile he pe...
(208): Dude manswers just said that a guy can only...
(978): i told her that i loved her pillow breasts ...
(905): We're going to get serious for a second. D...
(816): I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't jus...
Worst Nights
(423): My gf told me to act like Edward while we w...
(879): I passed out while i was taking a shit last...
(860): Walk of shame... his parents made me go to ...
(816): believe me... letting the man that delivere...
(484): just woke up to overhearing her on the phon...
Most Commented
(405): Met hot chick at bar. Went to her place. Fuc...
(908): I didn't have enough money for condoms so i...
(215): I was helping him find his phone, so we trie...
