(951): OMFG i took his virginity!!!!!! [recvd]: SCORE! wait...i thought your mom spent the night? [sent]: she did...she went to walgreens to get magnums at 3 in the morning ;D [recvd]: WIN!
Texts From Last Night (TLN): The Texts From Last Night u shouldn't have sent.
The texts from last night u shouldn’t have sent...
(720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
(808): I heard that if you put earphones in your nose, the sound comes out of your mouth. Applying the same principle, last night I put my earphones in my trombone. It was loudest party ever! I’m never using speakers again
(215): S: So we broke up, and i went to visit her at her college cuz she wanted to fuck. R: And?..how was it? S: Well we fucked that night, then she went to class the next morning, and her roommate said she heard everything and it sounded great. She jumped in bed with me. R: YOUR A DAMN MAN WHORE...aka my hero
(516): Remember last night how I drove to tacobell after the party? well i woke up this morning and my car wasn't out front. I mustve walked home from tacobell, forgetting i drove.
(91): Ya, she was loaded. The dog wouldn't stop humping her leg so she picked him up and jerked him off.
(+44): ok when i first hooked up with her i went down on her and i ripped the bit of flesh that connects your tongue to the bottom of your mouth now i can stick my tongue out twice as far as i could before. kwyjibo!
(484): Today at work i went outside to clean the menu board thinking the fresh air would sober me up (610) you went to work drunk? (484) yeah, and i did a cartwheel for entertainment. directly after i blurted out "my legs haven't been that far apart in a while" right infront of my boss. drinks tonight?
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Best Nights
(727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wear...
(404): Dude...can you like send a girl an Easter b...
(484): Today at work i went outside to clean the m...
(858): just because i like giving head does NOT ma...
(402): He grabbed my tits, then told me that it wa...
Worst Nights
(91): Ya, she was loaded. The dog wouldn't stop ...
(815): I seriously think I have a tan line on my s...
(724): I've had enough of this chick, she wanted ...
(843): he called to say sorry for eating all the a...
(347): Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just fou...
Most Commented
(405): Met hot chick at bar. Went to her place. Fuc...
(908): I didn't have enough money for condoms so i...
(215): I was helping him find his phone, so we trie...
