(330): I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break

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(847): You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

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(951): i would have had a stiffy if i wasnt so drunk, instead i had a semi so it looked like i was hung...

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(555): NEW SITE! "Just Made Me Laugh - (JMML)"...

(318): He just put a smiley face on my status...... Hes def DTF girl!

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(740): She slapped me cause i called her a cum dumpster crack hoe. Was i wrong for calling it as i see it?

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(541): She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...

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(619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

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(315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

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(515): They're giving out shots for karaoke performances... So of course I just signed up for total eclipse of the heart

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(347): just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner

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(610): Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can

Great Night (42) Bad Night (1) Comment (1) More texts from (610)

(920): its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice

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(+61): we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.

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(316): I have to go to the store and get a pregnancy test... I'm scared (1-316): Oooohhh, get me candy!

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