(309): sent: What shoes did you wear home? RCVD: Im still here... Sent: OH SHIT

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(630): (r)- hey, are you drinking tonight? (s)- no, i'm studying for finals. (r)- well can I come over? it's my last night drinking

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(228): He just pulled out his junk and pissed on the carpet. Then he puked a little on the couch and started crying.

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(630): You sold your Harvard acceptance letter to your best friend for 800 dollars so his parents would be proud. (773) Does he realize it has my name in it in the first sentence? (630) No i don't think he does. (773) He's so f**ked

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(414): I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets

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(413): She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list

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(603): sent: she has a butt stomach! received: alright alright i havent made any decisions yet im just saying maaybe

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(815): You make fuck on me, you can't fuck on me!

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(217): I found a new low today: eating skittles found at bottom of purse.

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(219): I wanna die, i question the last 2 hours of my evening and my car got towed. i love st. patty's day.

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(847): (847) then i asked him how he liked it and he sang the mcdonalds tune and said "i'm lovin' it" (630) wow, fat guys are weird.

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