(619): sent: how the fuck is this fatass getting laid but I'm not??

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(280): My cock looks much larger in the Burger King guys hands!!!!!

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(831): i woke up on top of a half eaten bag of popcorn, it got all in my bed, there was half chewed popcorn still in my mouth, and in the corner of my bed, i found a nice stash of reese's, oreo's, guacamole chips and an orange.

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(619): I got cockblocked when the chick taking me home from the bar got a dui.

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(166): As i was doing it , i butt dialed my best friend and she had a voicemail of me moaning... epic fail.

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(818): How did a simple game of quarters turn into taking shots of melted butter.

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(408): you know how we agree that pooping and orgasims are the best feeling in the world?......you need to try anal.

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(357): I woke up and there was a note on my head that had my own number on it. Who did i bring home last night

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Remember The Pics From Last Night?