Texts From Last Night (TLN): The Texts From Last Night u shouldn't have sent.
The texts from last night u shouldn’t have sent...
(301): So I went on a date with this girl...and who's our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my birthday present.
(614): went to a strip club for my bachelor party. about to get a lap dance and realized that when she turned around ... it was my mom
(816): dude, i ate her out then we started makin out - and she said 'your breathe smells bad', made a mistake and said that's cuz your pussy stinks. I guess ill just beat and sleep tonight.
(609): (rec'd): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (sent): and? (rec'd): RIP clitoris
(570): hey baby i just wanted to let you know last night was amazing , for being a virgin that was great. (rec'vd): This is her dad, don't fall asleep tonight!!
(843): we started to hook up went to his room he took off my shirt stepped back, turned on the lights and said wow with clothes on you don't look nearly as fat as you really are. then he told me to leave.
(631): dude, I was going down on her, she put a jolly rancher in there and told me to go find it. I thought I found it so I bit. It exploded...not a jolly rancher...herpes sack.
(303): (sent:): "you and josh still trying to have a baby?" (rec'd): "ya, lol its frustrating cuz i get all his little guys but they aren't very good swimmers lol" (sent): "ha. well, i wish i woulda known you needed more. i would have spit." (rec'd): "...?" (sent): "pretend i didn't say that! when i drop him off in a min, he's gonna still be too drunk to think of a good explanation!"
(949): hey can I ask you something? (sent): sure, what Mom? (rec'd): I have two guys here and I need some condoms and anal lube... would you mind getting me some? Take the car and grab out $40 and keep the change, I'm too busy to do it myself.. k thks love ya.
(shitt): Last Night, "I just took a tequila shot at a bar, then farted thinking no one would notice. there's diarrhea down my leg, its so warm." MDT.
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Best Nights
(727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wear...
(404): Dude...can you like send a girl an Easter b...
(484): Today at work i went outside to clean the m...
(858): just because i like giving head does NOT ma...
(402): He grabbed my tits, then told me that it wa...
Worst Nights
(91): Ya, she was loaded. The dog wouldn't stop ...
(815): I seriously think I have a tan line on my s...
(724): I've had enough of this chick, she wanted ...
(843): he called to say sorry for eating all the a...
(347): Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just fou...
Most Commented
(405): Met hot chick at bar. Went to her place. Fuc...
(908): I didn't have enough money for condoms so i...
(215): I was helping him find his phone, so we trie...
