(405): Met hot chick at bar. Went to her place. Fucked for like an hour. Played HER xbox, while getting a bj. Fucked again. More xbox and bj. Fell asleep, and what do I wake up to? Motherfucking pancakes... with chocolate chips. I'm in love...

Great Night (7150) Bad Night (267) Comment (245) More texts from (405)

(618): I just walked thrugh the woods having a conversation with every spider I saw in it's web. They all have English accents. I'm drunk and this weed is incredible!

Great Night (5486) Bad Night (294) Comment (112) More texts from (618)

(613): she was blowing me and i farted, she gave me a high five and kept going.

Great Night (4851) Bad Night (463) Comment (146) More texts from (613)

(740): I would plow her like an amish guy supporting his family

Great Night (3895) Bad Night (152) Comment (41) More texts from (740)

(773): Dude i'm not sure who's apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal...

Great Night (3759) Bad Night (80) Comment (31) More texts from (773)

(254): WTF, what happened last night? Reply: You drank all the Bacardi that you bought me for MY birthday and then blamed it on the Bacardi dwarf. That's what happened last night asshole

Great Night (3372) Bad Night (335) Comment (41) More texts from (254)

(831): I just had a conversation with my cat in the shower about pancakes. We both like them a lot.

Great Night (3243) Bad Night (105) Comment (37) More texts from (831)

(208): if beer pong were an olympic sport, I'd be the Michael Phelps of this city!

Great Night (3168) Bad Night (170) Comment (32) More texts from (208)

(702): I just woke up naked and covered in skittles. Best night ever?

Great Night (3101) Bad Night (116) Comment (24) More texts from (702)

(Anonymous): Last night I received: "why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonald's?"... sent: "you tried to order a margarita mcflurry and when they said they didn't make those you tried to call 911." MDT

Great Night (3083) Bad Night (180) Comment (41) More texts from (Anonymous)

(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? ... (rec'd): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

Great Night (2989) Bad Night (93) Comment (40) More texts from (508)

(631): DUDE! IM GONNA BE ON COPS!

Great Night (2974) Bad Night (260) Comment (23) More texts from (631)

(608): She said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

Great Night (2926) Bad Night (124) Comment (113) More texts from (608)

(303): i have bruises on my hips that really really represent the exact marks of a guys hands from grabbing me and f*cking me from behind.... i thought me and you and your boyfriend were hanging out last night?

Great Night (2804) Bad Night (344) Comment (44) More texts from (303)

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